From the Mouths' of Babes

A number of weeks back, my niece picked up a phrase that evoked sheer joy on my face and lifted my spirits. The exact feeling of happiness. The first time I heard her say it, I could not stop giggling, which then ensued further giggles at the sound of her laughter. She used it in the perfect scenario. Yet, it is something we as adults so quickly grow up and learn not to say, for from the mouth of an adult, it might “hurt others feelings”. It is blunt, brutal honesty. But that is the beauty of children. They have not been tainted by this world. They know what they like, they know what they want, and they are not ashamed of who they are.

My Mom had mentioned that little Miss had started to say this phrase, so I really could not wait to hear it from her mouth. Joie called me days later, as she wanted to tell me ALLLLL about the plans she had devised for her perfect birthday cake (which I was to construct). It was to be a Cinderella cake, pink in color, with a princess crown on top – very specific. When I reminded her that Cinderella wore blue, and she had glass slippers and not a crown, and suggested making it a true Cinderella cake, there was a long pause on the other side of the line. Then, she said it:

“Stop making all the choices, Auntie Kylee” – Joie Marie, 4 years old

Every ounce of me tried to hold in my laughter, but I just could not help but giggle. Joie giggled with me for a while, but ultimately, she reassured me again that I was not to make all of ‘her’ choices. I appreciated it when it happened, but after some other recent happenings, I now have an even greater appreciation for her phrase.

I have been fortunate enough to have a Bacon Loving-Southern Gentleman-IT Babe be part of my life for a number of months now. He is so decisive, so secure in who he is, and truly a happy person. Oh, and did I mention he’s a babe? He has so many qualities that I greatly admire, and he has continually taught me so many things about myself as well as life. While he is SO decisive, I am the complete opposite. The minute I order salad on a menu, I wish I would have ordered the burger. Getting dressed in the morning is a struggle, as a bad outfit = a bad day. He exercises extreme patience with me, while pushing me just enough (thank you!).

For from the mouth of this babe, these words are often spoke:

“What do YOU want, Kylee?”

For five years, in a not-so-healthy relationship, I placed myself on the back burner. My feelings came second to someone with extreme anger problems. Yet now, someone is stopping to ask me what I want, and it completely catches me off-guard. My honest answer is most often ‘I don’t know’. It’s hard to explain why. The best I have been able to process is that I was so unhappy, for so long, and I hadn’t pinpointed that it was because I positioned my life to a place where I was no longer able to make my own choices. I had forgotten how. I feared that every choice I made would make me UN-happy. I feared making the wrong choice.

While it is scary, nerve wrecking, and often stomach-ache inducing for someone to ask me what I want, it is also exhilarating. It is stirring up my competitive spirit. It feels as if someone is opening every single door and window to opportunity. I have a choice, and it is mine and mine alone.

With both of these scenarios (or verbiage from the mouths' of 2 different babes) having occurred in the past, I then attended a Women’s seminar at work last week. The guest speaker was Sarah Mensah, the COO for the Portland Trailblazers. Sarah is an amazing public speaker, and an admirable woman in an impressive high power job. She had many great messages and advice, but the things that stuck out the most to me were all related to choices:

- Choose to embrace competition.

- Choose to do things simply because you love it.

- Choose to let being humbled/humiliated build your fire and not defeat you.

- Know what you want, and don’t feel guilty about it. Life is about going after what you want.

- Balance is not about being able to complete it all. It’s about making choices that you can live happily with.

- If you hate it, choose NOT to do it, and be OK with that!

Wait, WHAT? This woman was on stage telling me to do everything I have grown to be afraid of. She started with telling us to build a cheering squad for yourself, and a video clip of a cute little girl running track. It is only when she nears the finish line you realize she is competing against all boys – and she wins! She hunches over fatigued, says it was hard, but her cheering father asks her to smile for the camera and suddenly it’s as if every ounce of energy she ran the race with comes back at the thought of her winning. You can see her spirit.

All of these things swirled in my head, and I couldn’t help but smile. You can see Joie’s spirit when her face lights up in having a simple conversation about a birthday cake - I want to be that way. The IT babe cheering me on - simply by making my wants, my choices, a priority. I am all too often concerned with the feelings of others, and what they will think of my choices, that I lose touch with what makes me happy. While Joie may be a bit more demanding in her approach, she is absolutely right – I can still make choices that make me happy - so long as I am not hurting others (another great thing that Southern Gentleman often says, too ‘do right by people’).

So here are my choices:

- Live with passion and desire.

- Do things simply because they bring me joy (the joy you see on your face when you look at photos from your childhood – my Mom has said she sees that look on my face when I am whole-heartedly laughing).

- Don’t be ashamed of what I want and what makes me happy.

While I may not be ‘making all the choices' for Joie, I am going to ‘make all the choices’ for myself, and attempt to be more decisive about it. I am not going to let fear stop me from trying.