Thursday, February 27, 2014

28 is sure to be great...

My writing and creative time has been put on the back burner for a couple of months now. It's not that I haven't felt inspired, but rather, the age old excuse that I have been busy. I haven't made the time. That, coupled with the fact that last few months have brought a number of challenges into my life: a lot of ambiguity and changes at work, ongoing construction on my condo, and the loss of my grandmother. Life has been a bit crazy. All of that leads to plenty to write about, but I always feel most inspired when I am finally able to see the light at the end of the tunnel.

I know that 27 was my best year yet. It brought me so many positive things, and they all far outweigh any of the bad. It has been one of the most trying, yet rewarding years of my life, and has taught me so much about who I am. Most days, I am still reminded of my past, but the damage is fading further and further away. While most has faded, I am beginning to question if other parts will ever go away. My imagination can run away with itself, and before I know it, all the breath escapes my lungs, and a full on panic attack ensues. (Damn my creative side!) Tears flow more freely than they ever have before in my life, but I am finding that it is normal...and healthy. I now know how to have appropriate emotional reactions to life, but I often have to stop and remind myself of my own worth. Remind myself that if I think I feel bad now, to think of just how terrible I felt two and a half years ago. Remind myself to think of just how far I have come.

I'm finally to a place where I am genuinely happy for my friends and loved ones when they announce marriages and future little ones - something that used to only initiate a punch in my gut and a lump in my throat at the thought of what my life was lacking. While I never used to truly be able to visualize my future, I had ideas of what I thought I wanted. Luckily, someone else put the breaks on for me, and life has changed for the better ever since. I now know what a healthy relationship is, and I am truly happy. In love. Happy to not be in a rush, and to just enjoy what is, right now. I might not know what the future holds, but it is exciting to hope, and to dream again - something I haven't let myself do in many, many years.

In all of the jumble - between crazy days at work, some unlivable scenarios at home, and a sick grandmother on hospice, I felt completely out of control, in all aspects of my life. In fact, one day, I decided to clean out my entire closet and downsize it almost in half, as I felt like it was the only things I COULD control. As crazy as that might sound, it actually helped - as a clean closet simplified life (and added just over $400 to my bank account after selling to a local resale store - BONUS!). I had began to not feel like myself. I started to dwell and focus on the bad. 

As grandma is no longer suffering, and things at work are smoothing out, I've adjusted my attitude - to try and look more on the bright side. I received my best review, to-date, at work this week, and my condo is (hopefully) about a month from being completed. (Although, I suppose it would take Mr. Squeaky Butt-cheeks in the bathtub above me to move out, or stop bathing, to fix ALL the problems. I also sometimes truly wonder if he has a wooden leg, or if he is running wind sprints the length of the condo...). At any rate, I was finally feeling on the up-and-up, and a song popped on my pandora rotation yesterday that really validated everything for me.

Again, it was a song that I have heard a number of times, and had even given a 'thumbs up'. Have no envy, have to no fear  by Joshua Radin stopped me dead in my tracks mid-workday. It reminded me that we are all on the crazy journey of life, and we all have mountains to climb. Our family, friends, and peers all struggle, and no one person lives life "right". While I do still feel envy and fear, as these are completely normal human emotions, I have realized that they are both at healthy levels. I am reminded to be there for those that I love most - to check in with them and just make sure they are doing okay. I am reminded about how fearless, and positive, I had to become to get to where I am today.

With that, and a recent birthday that pushed me into my "late-twenties", I decided to look back through photos of my 27th year. If the song didn't put life into a happy perspective, reliving the last 12 months definitely did. Here's why:

I hung out with many fabulous ladies...as often as possible!
...doing anything that sounded fun!
I started my dream job...
I went on an amazing girls trip to Palm Springs...

...and might have started a line dance in the middle of the club. And let's just say, I made it rain from the balcony above.
I hung out with all my favorite little pumpkins...


...and even threw some fits with them.
I pulled this bad boy out...
...and packed these nearly every month...
...and took Kim-Lee on the adventures of her life!
She even toured a screenprinting facility!
I ate LOTS of amazing food...like ginkgo...
...and fresh fish...
...some REALLY fresh fish...(ok...this one scared me, but you get the idea!)
...with REALLY huge chopsticks!
I made a lot of really great new working relationships...all around the world!
I also spent a girls weekend in Vegas...but was bummed by a 4-hour plane delay...
...but at least I was with THESE gorgeous gals...
...and met another fav there!



We got caught in the Portland naked bike ride...topless. How appropriate!
I expanded my beer palette...

...and enjoyed so many perks of my job!
I made it to my first rodeo in YEARS...
...and went out dancing with the ladies as often as possible!
I rode a brewcycle...in a helmet...
...with my father!
I officially took my maiden FULL-topless voyage!
...and hung out with my 4-legged boyfriend, Bensen.
I met this handsome fella...
...and went to more concerts than I have been to in my life!

I kayaked for the first time.
Attended weddings with a dime-piece +1 (whatta-babe!)
I ran Hood to Coast for my fourth time...
...in matching (offensive) shirts (that I designed!) and twinner-polka-dot-tights.
I obviously celebrated after...
...because my feet were down a couple toenail soldiers, and required surgery.
I painted happy trees, hidden weenies, and drank wine with these babes...
...and attended another wedding with this favorite human.
Did some wine tasting....
...and some wheeling and shooting.
Look at that smile!

So lucky to have this lady in my life! Beautiful, inside and out!
We took our first big trip together, after just 3 months...
...to Peru, to hike Machu Picchu...

...and to see the salt evaporation ponds in the town of Maras in the Sacred Valley. (Google it. AH-mazing!)

This one is for Brad...because he has ENTIRELY too many of these, as he reminded me this evening, and this will make him smile :)
We dressed up as Germans...
...and did a scavenger hunt around Portland.


Went to the pumpkin patch...
...and carved pumpkins for the first time in...FOREVER!
I made it down to Cali to see one of my favorite old married couples, and drink a bottle of wine out of a plastic cup with a straw...
...and had a quick pit stop in Georgia to see a favorite face!
I went to Hawaii...
...and got a gaping head wound in the first 15 minutes upon arrival. Rental car - 1, Kylee - 0
But that didn't stop us from enjoying the beautiful sunshine!
...totally my happy place!
We did our yearly black Friday shopping...
...and some other shopping...
...we all know I have a shoe problem. (Sad part - this doesn't show all the shoes in bins under my bed...)
Soooo many amazing country concerts!
I worked on some pretty amazing product at work...with amazing people...
...which yielded 'full-moon' appraisal!
Spent many days on the mountain!
With so, SO many great friends!
I even gave skiing a try in Bend...after nearly 15 years. Definitely still a snowboarder...
We had our first Christmas together...
...and spent New Years in New York!



We watched bull riders at PBR...
...and traveled to Amsterdam for Valentines and my birthday!

I was also spoiled by these lovely ladies for my 28th.


I just can't NOT smile when I look through these, and am reminded of the big picture. I feel so, so fortunate, and I don't want to take a single thing for granted. This list is so long, and not even all encompassing. And at the end of the day, even the hard ones, we all have to remind ourselves of this: