This girl has been super-busy
lately. And while my days seem to fill up with long to-do’s, grown-up chores,
and responsibility, I’m finding my head and my heart are in an extremely good
place. I feel like I am finally mastering this ‘single-girl’ lifestyle. I’m
happy most every-single-day. I prioritize working out and eating well, but I’m
not hard on myself when I need a cheat day. I’m focusing hard at work, I’m
being realistic about not over-committing myself in my personal life, and I am
learning to say no when something doesn’t sound appealing or I simply can’t
make the time.
I’m also embracing all of life’s
changes. If it is anything I have learned, the only thing you can rely on in
life is change. Constantly. A few weeks back, it was announced that we were
going to be re-organized at work, and my current role will be sent overseas.
Upper management assured us a plan was in works, they were working to map each
of us, and the announcements would all be made as soon as possible. After
waiting nearly three weeks to find out if we each had a job, meetings finally
popped up on our schedules. After only four months in my current role post-promotion, I will be moving to a new team, from my current Sr. Product
Developer role into a Sr. Technical Developer role. The true proof in my
feeling of being in a good place personally was my reaction to this news. Right
away, I was more than thankful to hear that I would still be employed with the
company I love, still working directly with product, and fortunate to be moving
with some of my current coworkers. Rather than be nervous about moving to a
new, larger group and having to learn a new role, I am embracing it as a
positive. Obviously all of this change was out of my control, so the only
choice is to dive in with a positive attitude, ready and willing to get my
hands dirty. As others were not as fortunate as I, my workload grew upon
absorbing styles of those who were unfortunately let go. Translation – I see a
lot of 10-12 hour workdays in my future…
In between keeping busy at work, I’ve
spent weekends in Palm Spring and Vegas with girlfriends, attending art shows,
meeting friends for happy hour, BBQ-ing with friends and family, getting as
many runs in as possible out in the sunshine, and the occasional evening at the
bar with a friend, drinking one too many ‘Pendleton on the rocks with a slice
of lemon’. Last Saturday in particular, I was out with a girlfriend and had one
too many shots of whiskey. We were discussing the time it takes to date, and
the difficulty of meeting people. I don’t prefer to date people at work, where, let’s face it, I spend the majority of my time, and I’m not out at the bars
thinking that I will realistically be meeting men of high quality. The next
best route is through friends, but even that comes with its challenges.
As we sat there discussing, my
friend pulled out her phone and reactivated her online dating profile. I
enjoyed clicking through the site and seeing what it was all about, as I have
always had really terrible pre-conceived notions about online dating. I began
clicking on anything that caught my eye – the good, the bad, the ugly! My
friend suddenly informed me to stop clicking on the ‘ugly’ ones. Apparently
everyone can see when you view them. Taking her phone back, she told me to ‘get
my own’. So, right there in the bar, after one too many drinks, I’m embarrassed to say, I signed up for my first online dating site.
I’ve been against it because I
don’t want to seem desperate, and I have felt "too young". I know things cannot be forced, so I guess in my mind,
if I was ‘actively looking online’ that translated to desperate. The liquid
courage was just what I needed to push me to sign up and just not care.
First, I had to come up
with my dating handle – which I appropriately chose ‘busyandstuff’ (which also
happens to be an inside joke between some girlfriends and I at work… a favorite
way to reject men). Second, I added few pictures:
I had exactly 3 photos on my phone that were solely of me. I set a few ‘ground rules’, starting with not posting photos of any of my friends (it’s not fair to put their pictures where they may not want them), and not doing any sort of weird cropping on existing photos to cut people out. I figured these three photos were a). decent enough, b). accurately portray what I look like considering they were all taken in 2013, and c). followed the above two mentioned rules. Other rules were as follows:
1) Don’t be quick to
share my name – I don’t need any creepers googling me and my 5-year-old-name
2) Don’t share where I work until meeting in person
3) Start with a drink or
coffee – as a quick escape might be needed
Next was to write about yourself,
which obviously no one really likes doing, but everyone loves to state ‘I hate
talking about myself’. My drunk tactic was to keep things short and sweet, and not to
mention ‘I am still weary of this whole online dating thing’ (people love to
say that, too, but the fact is, we are all here). Luckily the site has it
broken into a number of simple-enough-to-answer questions, i.e. – a self
summary, what you are doing with your life, the first thing people usually
notice about you, six things you can’t live without, and so on.
Almost immediately you can see a
number of people have viewed your profile the minute you upload a photo. Then,
the messages start pouring in. I’d say at least 10+ a day since I signed up.
The fun and funny part comes in the weeding through them. At first I just had to
start writing the messages in a word document, as I knew they would make for
great blogging material. (MANY of my friends were urging me to join an online
dating site, as they already love my crazy dating stories. Consider them about
to be amplified times a million…) Then, I remembered the saving grace that is
the “screenshot”. Too many good ones – I can’t not share. I had my good
girlfriend at lunch today in deep belly laughs from all of the amazing
things I have encountered in the mere 10 days in which I have been an online
dater. AND, those who know me best know my love of bull$h!tting with people.
But, since I am being responsible about this whole online dating, I have not
responded to any of the below, and instead, I will respond here, where everyone
can enjoy the thoughts that cross my mind.
First, my favorites that I was too
quick to delete before getting a screen shot:
“Gurl, jus give me da chance to
get wit it, I promise you ain’t eva be with no white dude again”
- If his enticing, sexy message
didn’t get me, the spelling and grammar definitely did.
“Come
over and watch some movies and I'm gonna barbecue island style? i have a
beautiful house in north portland on n.willamette blvd. with an amazing view of
downtown portland and the river. I have some tequila shots or some oregon wine
and I can pick u up. Ric”
- I'm not sure, but I think what you are saying, Ric, is you have a house, a car, food, and tequila – and
you want to share ALL of that with me? Take-me-ta-NoPo! Do you live near the
Dancin’ Bare?
“Do
you like a guy that's commited, mature, responsible, talkative adventurous,
humorous, romantic, experienced, affectionate, and honest?”
- I
assume committed is similar to this 'commited' that you mention? What, may I ask, are you experienced in? And are you saying you know where to
find a guy like that? Or are you just interested in knowing what I am looking
for?
Then
we have the funny:
Considering I expressed my love of running in my profile, sharing that you enjoy being lazy and eating donuts is definitely the way to my heart.
Then there is the random:
A goddess? FOR REALZ? While this is really random, I must say, this guy is probably a hopeless romantic. Or a super good schmoozer....
Next, we have the desperate:
I'm sorry Joe - not only did I not check my account every 5 minutes to find your first two messages, but you were clearly desperately paroozing and re-clicked on my profile and started an entirely new message a mere 41 minutes after the first two messages you sent. I'm pretty sure this one grew up eating paint chips...the kind with lead...
Why thank you for giving me an entire 4 minutes to respond to your first creepy request. I'm thinking I'm going to answer with, "not in this lifetime, buddy".
And
then, the downright gross:
Are you trying to keep it friendly, like a father figure, hoping that maybe, just MAYBE I might cross the line of friendly to romantic? I can't decide if I am more disgusted by this thought, or the thought that you think I am dumb enough to assume Prince Charming is real. I'm going to make like Mulan and be my own ninja-princess. She still ends up with a man, so there is hope for me yet, and I won't have to resort to lesbianism. I'm all for love who you want...I just personally prefer men.
I'm sorry - does that say married? What are you doing on here? You might just win title of "most gross". Also, I can't help but notice that 'BiggusDuckus' viewed my profile...and his photo of him shoving who-knows-what in his mouth goes along with his dating handle quite appropriately...
Then,
of course, there is this:
Only
20% enemy? This number seems oddly low... Remind me to add ‘Ryan’s need not
apply’ to my profile.
After
weeding through all of the above and then some, I have to admit, I have
actually found a number of seemingly decent men through this site. While I have
only actually met a few in person, those that I have met have actually proven
to live up to their online profile. I’m learning what to look for, and how to
best navigate this whole online dating concept. While some I would see again,
there are others that I might not go out of my way to keep in contact with.
But, that is the whole idea. I will either meet great people, or I will have
great stories. While I’m not sure the extent of what I am looking for by being
online, I have to admit, the attention and thrill of the unknown is fun and
exciting. Maybe I will go on a lot of short lived dates, or maybe I will find someone who is worth keeping around for a while. While I can't say I am actively seeking a "serious relationship", I am looking to meet fun new people and I'm open to whatever that means those relationships may or may not grow into.
And
lastly, I will leave you with what could possibly be the best story so far. The
first man that I (almost) met from an online dating site - insert Rob:
Or so
that is the name he gave me. "Rob" contacted me, seemed to be able to carry on a
decent conversation, and had a good/interesting job. We chatted back and forth
until he asked me to meet him for a drink. Upon arriving at the spot he chose,
I walked by a man that was standing outside that looked a bit oddly in my
direction. A man that did not look like any of his pictures (and let’s just
say, his pictures weren’t exactly God’s gift to women…and of course I had to
pick the most silly of the bunch to post here…). I walked inside, and received a
message that he was there. I could still see (who I assumed was him) standing
outside, so I messaged him to let him know I just walked in, and asked if he was
still outside. Upon hitting send, I then saw "Rob" receive my message, re-look at
my online profile, and suddenly grabbed his bicycle that he apparently arrived
on, and took off.
My
first thought was to give him the benefit of the doubt, and not assume that it
was him. There I go being all happy again…a few minutes go by, and I finally get
another message stating “Shit, something came up at work and I have to go
back.” My next thought was “he didn’t think I was pretty!” and I wanted to go
full-on-girl-crazy on his ass. And then…I laughed. My pictures look like me,
and I know I am not so hideous that this man couldn’t stand to sit and have a
drink with me for 30 minutes. AND, he contacted ME. This was on him – whether he really did have
something come up (HIGHLY unlikely…), he was nervous, had a panic attack, or
possibly was intimidated and thought maybe my pictures were “GOOD” pictures of
me - his were clearly "GOOD" of him. Ok, maybe not the above one, but 'ya live and ya learn'.
I
laughed that this was the beginning of my crazy online dating stories. I smiled that I
knew better than to let “Rob” make me feel badly about myself. I then decided
that I wanted to let “Rob” know he was the definition of douche-baggery, that I
saw him outside, and that his actions were not manly – but in the nicest way
possibly. I simply typed “Considering you were standing outside, the decent
thing would have been to let me know in person before you left” – from “Rob’s”
lack of response, I’m pretty sure he knew better than to send me another lie. I
win.
As I
walked back to my car, I had to call my Mom (who was probably standing by for
my ‘all-clear, no rape occurred’ phone call). Upon telling her the story, her
first response was “Well, what were you wearing?”
Thanks
for the vote of confidence, Mom :) I still cannot stop laughing
that THAT was your first thought. She wanted to know if I scared him away with
these:
And
all I have to say to that is this: Thank you Mom & Dad, for raising me
strong, and teaching me to love ME, and not worry about what other people may think. If a
man can’t hang with my choice of footwear/my shoe problem, then he has no place
in my life!
