Spending Problem

They should invent a shoppers anonymous. Scratch that, I just googled it. It’s a 12-step program. I say this, because as of late, this girl has had a spending problem. Spending money on myself has been my treat. It has been my way to reward myself for eating healthier, rather than an ice cream cone. My ‘learning to be selfish’. My way, over the past year, of choosing to be happy. Purchasing things for myself simply because they make me just that - happy.

Subconsciously I had been putting a time stamp on the “one-year-single” mark. I’m not sure why I put so much emphasis on it, but in the back of my mind I had noted that so long as I could make it to the one-year mark, I would be okay. Now that I have reached it, I feel a sense of inner peace. Some days, I am still scared. Some days, I worry about what the future holds. I get anxiety, I have panic attacks, and think the worse case scenario. But, most days, I am excited. I think about all the possibilities that could happen in my life and I smile. And then some days I get ahead of myself, and want to live carefree and shoot for the stars. What I have learned, however, is that the back and fourth emotion is perfectly normal – healthy even. It shows that I am living.

I am living by taking it easy on myself. Setting small baby-step-goals that are more attainable in shorter amounts of time, in order to set myself up for the bigger long-term goals. I don’t have to have all of the answers, or know exactly what the end result will be, I just have to set out to start. My journey started with trying to treat myself more like I would treat a friend or loved one...and buying things simply because I can.

Like I said SPENDING problem! While part of me feels guilty, the other part of me says ‘life is too short not to do things that make you happy’. At least sometimes. It got me thinking about this past week and the things that have made me happy:

I did an uber-selfish thing, and purchased the car I have always wanted.

 

I co-hosted another Faire De Rue Vintage Market with some amazingly talented ladies!

I appreciated the sunrise on the way to work – and the fact that I had a job to go to.

I played Bingo with a friend – and won!

I was able to brighten a friend’s day by taking a picture of a rainbow that sad morning, and letting them know that their lost loved one was smiling down on them.

I may or may not have purchased 4 pairs of shoes...

(spending problem + shoe problem = need more closet space)

*In all fairness - the gold glitter pumps are for Halloween, and I am re-using a past costume (that's saving, right?)And who wouldn't smile about gold glitter pumps?

I smiled simply because the barista at Starbucks spelt my name right.

While some of these things have monetary value, others are invaluable. I spent money on my jeep and shoes, but I made money at Faire De Rue & Bingo. (Ok, ok, I may have bought some other items this week that I have left out, but you get my point!) As life is a give and take, and money is what makes the world-go-round, I realize sometimes you have to form a healthy balance. I may have spent more than usual this week, but I stopped to realize that spending money on those items is right up there with something as simple as my name being spelled correctly on a paper cup. I smiled simply because I was able to go to school, get a degree, find a job, and afford the things that I do have – I smiled because I am grateful and do not take the ease of my life for granted. I appreciate both the big and the small.

While I was a bit nervous to tell my family about my jeep, worried that they would think it was frivolous and unnecessary, they all reacted in complete support. The day after I told my brother, I had a text message pop up in my phone that instantly brought tears to my eyes.

“Just wanted to let you know I have been thinking about your deal on your jeep and I think it is really cool. I’m so proud of you and the woman you have become!”

After thanking him and explaining I felt a little guilty, but “sometimes life is too short”, his response triggered more joyful tears:

“Nothing to feel guilty about. You are responsible and successful for yourself, and you can buy whatever the hell you want. I think it is cool!”

It all clicked. It is absolutely fine to do nice things for yourself! (So long as you can still pay the bills!) Some weeks you may spend more than others, and that is okay, so long as you don’t lose track of what is most important. I love the feeling I get walking out to my garage, seeing my jeep and knowing I made the choice to purchase it, and did so all on my own. It is a sense of pride knowing that I work for it. It is the same feeling I got while spending time with a friend, and the bonus was winning Bingo. The same feeling spending time with amazing, talented women to host our vintage sale, and the bonus of making money for our hard work and handcrafted items. That same feeling the morning I reached for my latte and saw my name perfectly written. The feeling of driving to work smiling - simply because the sunrise was so beautiful (and I was doing so in a super-cute jeep...). It is the feeling of joy, appreciation, and humbleness for life.

While I agree - money does not buy happiness - it does buy things that make you smile. After all, smiling and appreciating are the keys to happiness. 

Maybe next week I will work on saving money instead :)